Wednesday, August 20, 2014

don't-want-to-lose

Jo doesn’t like competition, examination or participation (in anything extra).

Piano teacher: Jody I think you are ready to take a piano examination.
Jo: No I don’t like examinations.
Piano teacher: What about a concert? I think you can play this piece for the concert.
Jo: No I don’t want to play in a concert. What if I play something wrong? What if people laugh at me?

Chinese Dance teacher: Zijun, are you sure you don’t want to join Chinese dance?
Jo: (as told through me because she’s too scared to talk to the teacher) No I never want to go on stage. And it’s very difficult and I have to stay back in school. What if I can’t do what my friends are doing?
(she stopped at the beginning of the year)

Chinese Orchestra teacher: Jody can play the ruan well. Can she join the Chinese Orchestra?
Jo: (as told to me) No I don’t want to join Chinese Orchestra. I don’t want any CCAs. I just want to come home every day, OK?

Gym teacher: I want to send Jody for competition in Hong Kong at the end of the year.
Jo: No I don’t want to go for competition. I never want to go for competition. What if I don’t win? I don’t like to lose. Not even if it’s a fun competition.

Swim teacher: Jody can swim. I can send her for training so she can take part in competitions.
Jo: No. I don’t want to swim in a competition. Anyway I hate Uncle Desmond.

KK says it is an intensely competitive streak which compels her to not even put herself in a possibly losing position in the first place.

I always encourage her to go for it, but in the end I always go along with her decision. Everything she decides she doesn’t want to do, I relent, so she can enjoy her childhood, so she has all the free time she wants to play with Lulu, so she can ultimately self-direct. I am hopeful that one day she will master herself.

But I am not certain if I am doing the right thing. Is relenting the best I can do for her to realize her potential?

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5 comments:

Dawn said...

Give her a happy childhood. Don't worry about your choice. At the end of the day, I also finally decided to throw away all my trophies accumulated. No use. haha.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sher Maine

Read this post a couple of days ago and have been thinking about it. I am no parenting expert as I only have 1 child but I thought I might just share a little of my views.

I think it is good for children to be exposed to some competition or stress, not too much of course. The medals and certificates are not important but the process of trying to achieve them is valuable. They learn about perseverance, hard work, teamwork,overcoming their fears and anxieties, finding out their strengths, talents and weaknesses, helping others and allowing others to help them, empathy and compassion for others who failed like them, perhaps even seeing some injustice in the world. With a little push with lots of encouragement and love from you, I am sure Jody will be able to participate in maybe 1 or 2 competitions/exams for a start.

Cheers
Hai Wei

Sher said...

dawn: yes i saw the photos of your stash. very xiong! i still enjoy asking you about your competitive swimming days :)

dont say its no use! all those memories, good friends made, (and as hai wei points out) the values you adopt along the way.

hai wei: thanks for your comment... i actually think i agree with you. i'm trying to nudge her a little.

Dee.. said...

she is talented.
Jus one?? just one competition to see if you can build her up?

Sher said...

dunno. i committed her to HK end of the year for gym, might as well since her brother is going and she'd be going along to support him anyway.

she is v upset :)
she spits out: i HATE competition!