Tuesday, October 14, 2014

lu's story

Lulu has written a story! I think it’s her first. And what a violent one it is. It’s got death and poison all in. What mind lurks behind that sweet facade? 

(It could possibly be due to all this, gulp)

Why she wrote it was because Jo gave her an assignment. It’s part of their teacher-student role-playing thing. Lu took it very seriously.


So did Jo, who, once Lu was done, sat down to mark in earnest and she was about as anal as the most anal copy-editors I have encountered, and demanding. 


This is the grade she gave Lu:


Lu was very put-out. Her face crumpled when she saw her grade. Despite the obligatory words of encouragement. (But she knows I love her story to bits)

Here’s her violent story (the version which has been edited by Jo), which even KK raised an eyebrow at:

Once upon a time, there were two boys named Charlie and Tommy. The older one was Charlie and the younger one was Tommy. Their mommy and daddy were dead a long time ago.

One day, Charlie and Tommy found a cave. Then, one morning Charlie found a fruit. It was filled with poison but Charlie did not know. Charlie gave Tommy the fruit. “Charlie” said Tommy, “is that poison?”

“I don’t know” said Charlie.

Tommy took one bite and fell to the ground. Charlie was surprised but also scared. He looked around and saw an old man.

“Hey, you there!” shouted Charlie. The old man got closer and closer to Charlie. Then, he said, “What are you doing here child?” in a creaky voice.

“I lost my mother and father. My brother ate poison fruit,” said Charlie. “Oh dear!” the old man said. “I better bring your brother to the hospital!”

Then, when Tommy was better, he said, “What is this old man doing here? And who saved my life?”

“This old man did” said Charlie.

“Please old man, let us stay in your house,” said Tommy and Charlie.

“OK,” said the old man.

They lived happily ever after.


Anonymous said...

If we change the sentence 'Is it poison?' to 'Is it poisonous?', the story will not be violent ��

Dee.. said...

I'm so proud of the girls. They are so cute and creative with their time!

Sher said...

but their parents are dead!!!! tts so.... dark!

girls do a lot of strange things all day, heads all huddled together. day is completely left out and fed up because he has no brother.

Jo said...

Well, it's got a happy ending. Fairy tales always start with dead parents, evil step-parents anyways. :-)

Anonymous said...

This is amazing! I remember you once writing about Lulu, with regards to your other two, taking a longer time to learn her alphabet and to read. She has accomplished so much - her story has a solid introduction, body and ending.

Your girls make me wish I had a sister. :)

Sher said...

its lulu's year of blossoming.

they make me wish i had a sister too. (lucky they get along)