Tuesday, May 24, 2016

angry boy

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Day is black-faced most days.

I think he tends toward anger anyway, but he has become even angrier!

It is likely a culmination of many, many things.

He hates his family, particularly his siblings. In his mind, he is powerless to stop Jo from bullying Lu and Lu from bullying himself while his too-nice mother and workaholic father do very little.

He hates his friends. Suddenly, they annoy him no end. It’s worse when they ask him: Why do you look so angry? Why do you look so tired? I remember the exact same questions asked of me all the time. (it’s just our face. What do they call it? Resting bitch face? When we don’t smile we look fierce or tired)

He hates his teachers. They try to motivate him by telling him that they expect no less than a particular grade from him because he can, but I’m not sure if he is responding the way they think he would.

He hates school. It’s virulent and intense. Every time I see his face when I pick him up from school, I get scared. I think of cases where boys his age commit suicide after school.

He hates the PSLE. He really, really hates the PSLE. Every time something PSLE-related comes up (which er, for him is like every single day), he rages silently.

He hates his life. He’s said it – I HATE MY LIFE. Which is kind of sad when I think of how I have never made his life miserable; but then I wonder if he’s like that now because I never made his life miserable, if that makes any sense at all. That PSLE video? (The one which everyone is shaking their head over because, oh my, poor girl!) I’m actually very impressed by how cheerful and resilient the girl seems. She takes it all in her stride, while my son rants and rages against society and the system and whatnot.

Or maybe it's just puberty, clashing spectacularly with the PSLE. Most days I walk around him on tiptoe, trying to say and do the right things and wondering if I'm pressing the right buttons.

He also hates talking about all the above, especially with me, and his cynicism when he does talk is bottomless. For instance, when he hears that the teacher said he’s the lucky one and Lu’s the unlucky one because the Chinese syllabus will be ramped up, he rolls his eyes and states – No, Lulu, by the time you take the PSLE people will be telling you that YOU are the lucky one because it’ll be even harder after your batch.

When does the thundercloud over his head go away?

Well, the sun comes out when he doesn’t go to school, when he gets enough sleep, and when he gets some exercise. Oh, and when I give him unfettered unlimited access to screens. Then he becomes a very nice, jokey, smiley little chap.

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* Getting some Vitamin Happy

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe that's why he went to watch angry bird..lol. Jun

Anonymous said...

Teenage years looming, Sher Maine. Don't take it personally. PSLE doesn't make it any easier either.

Sher said...

its hols.... and he isnt angry at all!!!!!