Saturday, July 08, 2017

snapshot

I know, I know, we’re so fortunate in so many ways, everyone’s healthy, family’s intact, we can put food on the table, the showers of blessings are raining down from the heavens.

If I may just gripe a little, though. The parenting gig has gotten really tough. Most days I am utterly devoid of joy as it is marked by quarrels, showdowns, mediation attempts which leave me with the bitter taste of failure and a throbbing headache. Nothing is resolved before something else blows up.

It's not anything I can write about specifically (although sometimes I desperately yearn to because writing helps me to think) out of respect to the kids.

There must be people who find the older years more rewarding, the art of firm but gentle loving as the children move into the double-digit years, the skill of discipline, negotiation, setting boundaries, building up respect and trust, of guiding the formation of life character.

Would I be amongst the majority or minority if I confess that I find diaper-changing and feeding and playing goo-goo ga-ga all day long far more gratifying? I miss the open-ess and innocence and simple-mindedness.

I can deal with simple minds. I think now, that I love dealing with simple minds. I find it Herculean to have to deal with the increasingly complex emotions, needs, politics and relational dynamics of three very different growing adults. Whenever possible I avoid confrontation, which is another way of saying I'd bury my head in the sand and ignore the problem.

Being a mother who is merely loving apparently wasn’t, isn’t and will not be enough.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. It WILL get better when maturity sets in...around upper sec for mine! Hugs.

Sher said...

i hope so... i pray so!

Anonymous said...

I really feel you on this. I had a similarly difficult Sunday with my 9 y.o. and 7 y.o. that ended with all of us going to be angry and upset. I can only remind myself that the bad days make the good days more precious. Hang in there.

Sher said...

"...all of us going to be angry and upset.." i SO relate to this.